into the woods

I am on my Get Right for TPE Workout Plan

blush612 — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 04:06:08 +0000

…shame. i am ashamed of myself. for looking at old pictures and reading old emails, and ill probably go look up old journal entries, try to find old trinkets.

because that’s where i’m at.

in a bad place.

fuck.

the winds of change…

blush612 — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 02:53:03 +0000

Okay. The first thing I have to do is admit that I’ve been listening to this song about 10 times a night (at least). A little emotional cutting never hurt anyone… right?

Alright, got that playing? Good. Now I need your help. I’m stuck.

I don’t know what to do. And now that I’m writing this, I don’t know if I can put it into words on here… but basically I don’t know how to act around Allie, but I think I’m mad at her. And my feelings are just hurt by Tim in general. I don’t know what to do. Just ignore them both? I can ignore Tim, because I don’t have to see him. I have class with Allie. I work with Allie. I can’t ignore Allie. But I can pretend that I’m not mad at her, and I can try to avoid her as much as possible. This is option 1.

Option 2 is have a calm, adult conversation with here in which I explain my hurt feelings and my need to not be her friend right now.

Option 3 is yell at her and slap her in the face. Call her a bitch and a whore.

I think option 3 would be instantly gratifying followed almost immediately by terrible guilt and regret. So maybe option 3 should just be crossed off right now. But what should I do between options 1 and 2? Help me out here… I can’t stand being in the same room as her right now, all of this indecision makes me stressed out to the point where I start to tear up.

two weeks left of my 24th year

blush612 — Sat, 29 May 2010 23:13:35 +0000

For my birthday I’m expecting Steel Magnolias and a level 2. He owes me that much.

FRUSTRATION

blush612 — Fri, 28 May 2010 23:41:26 +0000

Oh my GOD!

Just when I thought I was really getting over TIM….

Allie moves in next door. LITERALLY. she moved into the hall next to him. Now they can go have their lollipops and rainbows and shove it up their asses.
and they would probably both like it.

fuck.

Bulletproof – La Roux

blush612 — Tue, 25 May 2010 02:42:27 +0000

Been There.
Done That.
Messed Around.
I’m having fun, don’t put me down.
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet.

I won’t let you in again, the messages i’ve tried to send,
my information’s just not going in,
burnin’ bridges shore to shore, I’ll break away from something more,
I’m not turned off to love until it’s cheap,
been there, done that, messed around,
I’m having fun don’t put me down,
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,

This time baby I’ll be bulletproof
This time baby I’ll be bulletproof

I won’t let you turn around,
and tell me now I’m much too proud,
to walk away from something when it’s dead,
do do do your dirty words come out to play when you are hurt?,
there’s certain things that should be left unsaid,
tick tick tick on the watch and life’s too short for me to stop,
Oh baby, your time is running out,
I won’t let you turn around,
and tell me now I’m much too proud,
All you do is fill me up with doubt.

Kiss that Grrrl – Kate Nash

blush612 — Tue, 25 May 2010 02:27:49 +0000

That girl is giving you the eye
and i, and i, and i don’t like it how
she makes you laugh so much
how when you’re talking, that you touch

she’s instantly more pretty and
more interesting than me
she is thinking before she speaks
she is not all red and angry

i bet she doesn’t like to eat
i bet her feet don’t even stink
i know your eyes are just for me but

kiss that girl and i will shrink up
and i will die
and i will think up
a thousand ways that i can hurt you
and you will never touch my hand

tonight we have not got on well
i know i have given you hell
i wish, we should have stayed at home
cause now i’m standing on my own

and you are having a nice time
with that girl i really don’t like
i know you’re eyes are just for mine, but

kiss that girl and i will shrink up
and i will die
and i will think up
a thousand ways that i can hurt you
and you will never touch my hand

and baby please don’t break my heart!
cause you are the only one i love!
i’ll be by your side til the very end
cause you’re my only friend!

kiss that girl and i will shrink up
and i will die
and i will think up
a thousand ways that i can hurt you
and you will never touch my hand

so…

blush612 — Sun, 23 May 2010 06:33:37 +0000

go be gay with Allie

all the things i want to say: rough draft

blush612 — Sun, 23 May 2010 06:30:45 +0000

the truth is, you did ruin something amazing.

i don’t think you’re ever going to be able to give me what i want, because what i want is for you to want to spend all of your time with me. i want to be special to you, and I want to feel like i’m special to you, i want to be your best friend, i want you to take me wherever you go.

and since i don’t think you’re ready to do any of those things, i can’t be your friend.

Sleep

blush612 — Sat, 22 May 2010 06:08:01 +0000

The best part of going to sleep is knowing that I won’t be wondering when you’re going to call me for another 8 hours, and the hope that maybe, just maybe, you will text me tomorrow.

punch me in the face.

bulletproof

blush612 — Sat, 22 May 2010 06:06:10 +0000

I won’t let you turn around and tell me now I’m much to proud to walk away from something when it’s dead

And that’s pretty much the truth. Interestingly enough, another part of the truth is that my pride was hurt, but now we’ve settled that. Thirdly, I miss being close to you. I miss holding your hand, I miss your hugs, I miss sitting near you, I miss talking to you, and I miss feeling like I had a partner. Now I’m alone. Ridin’ solo.

Solo sucks right now.